Nichole the… What just happened?

Just last week, going to the grocery store was easy, it wasn’t aggressive or nerve racking. Within a couple days it all changed, it turned into who can get in line earliest, get down the aisles fast enough and how much of one item a person can grab while trying to sanitize and create a perimeter. This feels different than anything I have ever experienced, probably not the only one feeling that way. It’s overwhelming. It’s overwhelming trying to not break down and freak out. Constantly feeling uncomfortable while trying to grasp onto anything that feels normal. It’s the thought of not being able to see my parents in fear I could get them sick, the worry that I could get sick and not realize how sick I am or that it isn’t allergies and get my boyfriend and his daughter sick. It is so uncomfortable to have so many different scenarios playing in your head and not having an end, not having a solution. Every time I get the chance I squeeze my boyfriend just a little bit tighter. I am trying to stay in better contact with my family. I wish I would be like that even when there is a ridiculous pandemic. But that’s the question that seems to not be asked, what happens when this ends? How does this end? Does it end? There is so much more I want to say, but I am not ready to acknowledge all those thoughts yet. Not today.